The Macon City Council failed Tuesday to override Mayor Jim Marshall's veto of the city tax rate, effectively deciding to "just wing it" on the budget for fiscal 2000. The 9-5 vote leaves the city without a tax rate, and the council's Appropriations Committee must meet next week to propose a 2000 millage rate. "Who needs a millage rate anyway? Why don't we just wing it?" Councilman Henry Ficklin said.

ATLANTA - Two-thirds of Georgia's 159 counties - including several in the midstate - missed the July 1 deadline for having a plan to eliminate duplicate government services and had to request extensions to avoid losing state funds.

Bibb, Houston, Peach and Jones were among 100 counties that failed to meet the requirements of legislation passed two years ago to force cities and counties to work together and stop double-taxing residents for overlapping services. "They (cities and counties) generally put it off and started somewhat late. Then they ran into some snags they didn't anticipate," said Mike Gleaton, director of the Mission Impossible Division of the state Department of Community Affairs. "That's why we have so many with extensions." Cities and counties were allowed extensions of 120 days.

"We didn't put it off, we've only been working on unification for thirty or forty years. I think we should be able to iron out the snags in 120 days," said Charles Richardson, a member of the Macon-Bibb Unification Commission and eternal optimist. "Shoot, that ain't no problem at all," said Bubba Dawson, another member of the Unification Commission and incurable cynic. "All we got to do is send them some paper with the word 'Plan' wrote on it and some of them fancy words. Heck, we could cut some classified ads out of the Telegraph and paste 'em on that paper. Them state jokers are just gonna file it in the round file like they're gonna do with our Unification Commission report later," Dawson said. "The Arabs and the Jews will be kissin' cousins before the city and county ever agree on tax and control issues. Who's the knucklehead that wrote that cooperation law anyway?"

In a related story, the communities of Lizella, Payne City (Bibb County), Haddock, James (Jones County), Byron, Powersville (Peach County), Kathleen, Bonaire and Centerville (Houston County) announced Sunday July 4th that they were declaring their independence and forming a new country to be called 'The United Forgotten Towns of the Mid-State.'

"When in the course of human events, we feel like we're surrounded by idiots----and we hold that truth to be self-evident, we feel compelled to say why we're separating. We won't stand to be ignored any longer and we sure as heck don't want to be combined with these loonie counties we live in," said UFTM spokesman Tom Jefferson.

ATLANTA - Emergency management officials are urging Georgia residents to have a three- to five-day supply of food and water on hand this New Year's Eve. "Consuming mass quantities of alcoholic beverages tends to dehydrate the body, so you could use that water. And if anything goes wrong, don't call us because we'll all be hung over," said Harvey Harlow of the Georgia EMA.

The Georgia Emergency Management Agency says residents should use common sense when considering the possible ramifications of the millennium bug. "If a bug gets in your house, the key is not to panic. Just get on some old boots and stomp that sucker," Harlow said.

State and federal officials are recommending gradual preparation to prevent last-minute panic, hoarding and impulse buying. "The key to this is to panic before your neighbor does. If your neighbor catches on that you're hoarding, he'll start buying up all the good stuff. Try to avoid having groceries delivered to your home by tractor trailer trucks or if you do, do it at night," Harlow said. "We'll have a distinct advantage over people in other states if we get a good jump on them and panic now."

Macon Mayor Jim Marshall vetoed the city's millage rate ordinance on Thursday because it failed to reduce city taxes by a full mill. "Sure that was one reason," Marshall said, "But I mainly wanted to try out this new engraved Cross pen I got for Father's Day for vetoing stuff. I only wish I had a Rose Garden for veto ceremonies."

Marshall had introduced a 1-mill cut in the city's 9.6-mill tax rate when he introduced his $74 million budget proposal in May. The council approved a .6-mill cut in June because council members enjoy spending city money too much to go the full mill. Marshall vetoed the millage rate ordinance in order to get the millage reduced an additional .5 mills and to make sure his new Cross veto pen really had the blue ink he ordered. The extra half mill means about $17 per year on a $100,000 home. "Besides, I won't be around next year to enjoy spending all that city money and my personal tax savings will buy me a week of meals at Nu-Way," Marshall said.

City officials typically call a bickering cease-fire during holiday periods, but hostile fire is expected to resume promptly next week since a millage change at this point would delay the mailing of tax bills.

City councilman Calder Clay said the veto really puts him in a dilemma. "He really put me on the spot. I'm a Republican and I'm supposed to support tax cuts. Dang! But I really like balanced budgets and spending, too. This is tough," Caldwell said.

Organizers of the event were not satisfied with the one-day duration and suggested several other changes in addition to making the street name-change permanent. They suggested that Macon be renamed Weinertown, that City Hall be renamed "Hot Dog Hall" and that the mayor's title be changed to "Head Weinie." Marshall, who attended the festivities, said he didn't relish the idea of the suggested changes and he thought that the reception from Macon's citizens would be chili.

"I've been called a lot worse," Marshall said, "But there's no way I'd accept that title unless the spelling was corrected to 'weenie.' I like the 'Top Dog' or 'Mega-Mayor' ideas better. Time will tell whether support can be mustered to change the name of the city and City Hall. You should catch up with the other two weenies---I mean, the two candidates for mayor and ask whether they want to be known as 'Head Weinie,'" Marshall said.

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins